I got chris browned last night
one two three fourrrrnication!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
