So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
