my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
