I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
