Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I supernannyed him into submission
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
