The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I love having hate sex.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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