This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
