Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
