How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
