I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Semen is not good for contacts.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
