He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
