Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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