Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
