the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize