just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
