after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
