my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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