Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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