you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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