lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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