I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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