Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We're like a lot better than the average bears
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
