woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
