saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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