my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Come back. Shots need mouths.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
