I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
id be glad to
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
