We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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