ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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