If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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