I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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