He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize