if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
