Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
