I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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