i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize