mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
