Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
its liver damage thursday
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
