You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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