I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
