Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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