I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
