Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
