Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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