I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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