I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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