So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
