I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize