the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
