Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
