I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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