my sisters under your porch take her home
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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