PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize