Say something about gay babies.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize