Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
