he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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