Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
