Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
