my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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