I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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