Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
