I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
