i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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