my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think I won the penis lottery.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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