We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
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