can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
