True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize