The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
need another drink. this is the easiest way
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
